September 26: an exponential investment

When I was in my mid-teens I had a choice of rooms in my parents’ semi-detatched in Offerton Stockport. In the front room my mum and dad would be watching The Two Ronnies. In the Living room my elder brother would be sitting in the dark listening to Leonard Cohen or Al Stewart. In the kitchen I would be doing my schooolwork unless my younger sisters were doing their tap dancing. Sometimes I went into the front room to watch The Two Ronnies; sometimes I’d sit in the dark with my brother and try and work out what Leonard Cohen was all about; sometimes I did my school work in the kitchen.

These days, remarkably, I find myself tuning into You Tube to look at old Leonard Cohen footage or finding old Two Ronnies sketches. I also have a renewed interest in the reading matter that interested me as a fifteen year old (Elizabethan and Jacobean theatre). The things of the past that seem so random at the time etch themselves into your subconscious and never go away.

When I was twenty-one and living in Paris as a student, I shared a room with three other people. We all slept in sleeping bags with a small patch of floor each. Nobody had any money. One day Guy came back with an LP record. It was the first music we had heard for months. It was Vaughan-Williams Variations on a theme by Thomas Tallis. We all sat round and listened to it. After months of relative deprivation and no music, it was so moving that I was almost in tears. I listened to the piece the other day and it had the same effect. What happens? The past sneaks up on you and like some high yield investment it has grown exponentially and, whther you like like Leonard cohen or not, he’s got you.

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September 10: marathon

In 1999 I ran the Marathon to Athens marathon. I thought of this the other day when I admitted I don’t really run any more (not good for my back). I took a cheap hotel room in Plaka and the evening before the race I ate a big pasta meal as I had heard I should. I also bought some bananas to eat for breakfast. I was sitting on a bench outdoors when a man came up to me and started a conversation (English). He invited me for a drink in his brother’s bar (it was just round the corner). We sat at the bar and when my back was slightly turned the man disappeared and was replaced by a woman. She fluttered her eyelids at me and asked me if I would buy her a drink. I saw the scenario and left the bar to go back to my hotel room. The next morning we all got into buses that transported us to Marathon (26 miles away) where the race was to start. The race ended in the old Olympic stadium in Athens. After the race when I was in bed in the hotel, my sister rang downstairs in the lobby. I told the hotel receptionist that I’d ring her another time. I was too sore to get up. My aim had been to run a marathon before it was too late and the Athens marathon was probably the best one. Indeed I have not run another marathon since. They are not good for my back.

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September 8; no flies on me

Last night, suddenly, and for no reason in particular, I started getting flashing lights in my right eye and then strange black spots driting across my line of vision that resembled flies so much that for quite a time I thought they were actual flies buzzing round my head. When I realised they were not real flies I understood my eye was somehow compomised. My girlfriend told me that her mum had had this and thought for a coupe of days there were flies buzzing round her like me, and that after a time the brain reconfigured, especially after sleep, to no longer see the flies. This has mostly happened for me this morning, although there was an odd moment when I was shaving this morning and a fy started irritating me again. I ignored it for a moment but then saw that it was a real fly that had flown in through the bathroom window and was now drowning in my shaving water. Which goes to show: realities can be illusions but illusions can be realities too.

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