I like some tinned fish. I especially like tinned salmon. Red salmon which is pink, not pink salmon which is grey. Tinned salmon is better than fresh salmon which is mostly tasteless. At this point one should talk about farmed salmon but I have no opinion on this. Smoked salmon is a poor man’s poshness. Overrated. Tinned salmon is best. There is also tuna. For me with tuna it is the opposite. Tinned tuna I don’t like though I do like fresh tuna. The problem with fresh tuna is the price. I can’t concentrate when I’m eating fresh tuna because it feels like I’m chewing a ten pound note, which is what it can cost. My friend Emma says she has another problem. When she’s eating fresh tuna if she doesn’t concentrate properly it feels like she’s eating tinned tuna, which defeats the whole purpose of spending the cash in the first place.The key is to keep your eye on the fresh fish left on your plate as you are chewing. That way you remain convinced that you are eating something expensive. There are other tinned fish. Pilchards, now unpopular because of their rebarbative name. Who wants to eat a pilchard? Which is basically just a sardine. As for sardines, you have the choice of sardines in tomato sauce, which is what we had when I was little, so must be best. But there is also sardines in olive oil, which unnervingly leaves the sardines tasting like fish, which is a definite no-no. There is also brine. Don’t bother with brine.

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