April 17: what are you looking forward to?

When you are young and know nothing, when you look forward, you look into a candy-coloured nebulosity. You do not quite know how that package of you-fragilities and uncertainties will react with the things you have encountered through films and books. You are not quite sure how your jellied, still hardening personality will negotiate the tricky chicanes to emerge as already seen-in-culture constructions, abstract sculptures like love, success, self-confidence. When you are older and somebody asks you what you are looking forward to, your hopes are thinner but more formed. You think of evenings out that are already planned, the sun coming out, those ten minutes you get to sit down with cup of coffee. This is what your hopes and dreams have amounted to. You might find this sad but, as a materialist, I’m a lot happier here. That cup of coffee is a step on the staircase towards fulfilment.

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