June 27: the desire for another thing

We are propelled by the desire for another thing as much as the desire for a better thing. It can even be that the other thing is a worse thing but is still more desirable than the same thing. If it is different, in a sense it is not a worse thing, because we know it is doing us good and combatting the squat monster stasis. The trouble then is that we get used to the worse thing and realise it is worse and it also becomes stasis, and so you have the worse of both worlds. Then – let us imagine – you propel yourself into another change of state, equally blind. This must be how it is for those people who keep getting married. I am the polar opposite to those people. I leap cautiously from one state to another. In fact, I do not leap; I sidle surrepticiously. I make a movement such that I could also probably manage to slip back to my former position without anyone noticing. My desire for another thing is not as much as my desire to keep hold of myself. What I want to do is build a very complex edifice, ornate in parts but efficient and formidable to the outside world. It’s so good I don’t need to step out that much. I could have a tunnel to get me through to other places but I can always get back before midnight. That’s a way of understanding all those fairy stories and folk tales. Cinderella; werewolf narratives, vampire narratives. They are all about one thing. The anxiety of change.

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