We made a cake and gave a piece to Number 5. Normally we only give a piece to Number 2 but we opened it up. The first cake was a honey cake. I shuffled across the courtyard and knocked on Number 5. I gave him the cake on a little plate. Amazing! he said. And when I saw him again he said it was amazing. To be fair, he calls most things amazing. The other day I was taking the rubbish out. He said what are you doing? I said taking the bins out. He said Amazing. So I take it with a pinch of salt. A couple of weeks later we made another cake. Pear Upsidedown cake. I shuffled across and gave him the cake on a plate. He said it was amazing. The thing is, we weren’t getting our plates back, so we bought Number 5 a little lavender plant from Columbia Road Market. The idea was to give him that and mention the plates. My friend shuffled across to do the deed but she forgot to mention the plates. She said, you just go round and ask him. I said, you can’t do that because you’re putting him on the spot. The plates are probably all mixed up with his plates. We have never been inside Numbher 5. I suspect it might be ancient chaos in there. No, I said, what I’ll do is when I bump into Number 5 next in the courtyard I’ll say: Hi Number 5. We’ve got another cake coming up soon (Amazing) but this time I’ll give it you on a piece of tissue because we’re running out of plates. I’ll deliver this as a kind of joke. We’ll have those plates back in our possession in next to no time. I am confident this will work.

peoplearerubbish.com