Je ne me trouve pas ou je cherche – et me trouve plus par rencontre que par l’inquisition de mon jugement, says Montaigne, writing in the 16th Century. I do not find myself when I look for myself, but rather through engagement with others than through self analysis. He means that you reveal your nature most when you are involved in random and spontaneous activity rather than when you meditate or look into your heart. The word he often uses for the fact that life reveals itself more when you are in flux and off your guard, which is the natural state of man, is branle, mostly meaning something else these days but in 16th century meaning wiggle or constant movement. He also defines our nature as the act of dessiner rather than graver, sketch rather than engrave. We are unfixed, impermanent, modifible at any moment.

Embrace the flux, I say. This morning in the cafe I bumped into an old friend from years back, with whom there is some distrust. To his question how are you? I replied with an anecdote from my present life about the water leaking into my kitchen from the flat upstairs. Lesson one: be in the moment of your life (dessiner not graver; no earnest conclusion; keep the other on his toes). Then, looking at my book, he said what are you reading? I said, showing the Montaigne: you wouldn’t understand. It was in French, so he wouldn’t, so only a semi tease. But then I added, it’s philosophical. More of a tease, as he sees himself as philosophical. This is all to destabilise. It’s how I function on conversation. It’s my true nature. En branle.

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