I had a QR code on my phone offering two free drinks and two free cakes on the 5th floor of John Lewis on Oxford street but the deadline to claim it was next week. It said Invite a Friend very perkily, but I couldn’t think of a friend who’d want to trek across to soulless Oxford street on a Saturday morning for a cup of tea and a lemon drizzle cake. But I knew I’d feel bad about letting the January 31 deadline pass. I decided to go there on my own this morning and try and find a shopping trip to do at the same time. My anxieties were legion. First, I don’t trust a QR code. I don’t really know what they are. What if I was ridiculed at the counter and it was invalid? Would I then have to go through with buying an unwanted beverage and comestible? And how would I get two drinks and two pastries? How would I phrase it? I’m on my own today. Just the one coffee. Maybe two of those lemon drizzles. I’ll take one home for tea. This was basically what I said. Over-articulating, as usual. The woman at the till couldn’t care less whether I had a friend waiting at the table to share the treat with me. She said, Just the one drink? I managed to say yes, instead of my friend can’t swallow warm liquid at the moment, so yes. After all, what was I doing without a friend. In fact, I ordered two cinnamon buns and wrapped one up in serviettes to take home like a rather sad loner. When I had drunk my coffee, eaten one cinnamon bun, wrapped the other in serviettes and stowed it in my bag for later, I made to leave. I organised my tray and crockery in a neat and fastidious way on the table top, as if I was being filmed and to somehow assuage guilt. Then left. Operation accomplished. The good thing was that I popped into a shop over the way and got a nice cheap shirt in the Sales. So, you see, it was a perfectly justified trip out.

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