It doesn’t take much to put me off my stride. I have never really had a proper full-time job of the 9-5 variety but I still need structure. This time of year always has me on edge. The change in rhythm. No people or too many people. Not the dosage I’m used to. A couple of weeks ago I supervised a trip to New York. That was too much people for my introvert sensibility. Now not enough. Plus people from my past popping up randomly. Ghosts of earlier times. How are you to relate to them? Do you read them as they were? In which case you must also be as you were. First, you decipher the physique. A pair of glasses here where once there were none. A voice that has shifted. A point of view that has softened The truth is that you can’t know. These are just wisps of people that float in from the past and they cannot really be deciphered. Take no position on them because you cannot know. Plus the fact that my days are empty. It’s probably good for me. I have to go to places I don’t usually have the chance to get to. You have to lose your volition when you are in an unaccustomed place. It entails more suffering than the routine. But I suppose it does you good despite yourself. You don’t think you’re doing much exploring by sitting at home with a cup of tea but you are.

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